There are certain things that we know to be true in life. For example, we know that if we fill up the ice cube trays and put them in the freezer, we will have ice cubes. We know this to be true because we have seen it happen time and time again over the course of our lives. Inherent wisdom has taught us to trust the process of turning water into ice cubes.
The word PROCESS is defined as a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end. In the opening example. the steps and the end are very clear. Fill the ice cube tray, place it in freezer and wait 1-2 hours and you have ice. Unfortunately in life, some processes are not so simple. Some processes require multiple steps, can take much longer than 1-2 hours and results may vary or be more difficult to realize than frozen water. This is why it is important in these cases to TRUST THE PROCESS.
When I coach business owners or their employees on the art of trusting the process, I always start with determining the desired end result, or what is commonly referred as the goal. If the goal is to increase sales, I work with the client to implement a plan of action aimed at increasing sales. Over the course of the following 3-6 months, providing that the client implements the plan and trusts the process, the desired results are achieved. In this case, the plan of action made sense to the client which made trusting the process relatively easy and the results, with benchmarks that would show almost immediately, were achieved in a short period of time.
What about processes that are not so easy to understand, with results that are not so easy to see and may take months or years to achieve? Is trusting the process in these cases easy? What if the goal is simply to be happy, or to raise emotionally healthy and well balanced children? Could there really be a process to achieve such results?
The answer is yes. The question is what are you prepared to do to achieve the most important results of your life. Results that break the cycles of negativity that have plagued you and your family for generations. Results that will ensure that you don't pass onto to your children or future children the toxic behaviors and reactions to triggers that have caused you to struggle to find happiness in your life.
Each persons future journey is as unique as the path that has gotten them to this point in their lives. so I cannot begin to describe yours in a blog. I can however help guide you towards your path. The first step, just as it was for that business owner who wanted to increase sales, is to find yourself someone to help guide you towards success. A life coach, a counselor or a therapist are great resources. They will help you put a plan of action in place that will achieve the desired results.
In many cases the journey will not be easy or short. If you have a past with physical or psychological trauma or substance abuse in your family, parents who fought every day or who were emotionally absent from your life, the path may be long and filled with obstacles. There will be truths to realize, secrets to expose and damaged relationships to heal, but once you start down the path, the most important advice I can give you is to TRUST THE PROCESS!!
Trust that replacing negative thoughts with positive ones will make you happier. Trust that learning to control your emotions when triggered will improve your health. Trust that treating others the way you would like to be treated will improve your relationships. Trust that exploring your past will help brighten your future. Trust that forgiving those that have done you wrong will lighten the burden on YOUR shoulders. These are all part of the process. If you trust it, make baby steps every day, let others help pick you up when you fall, forgive yourself when you aren't perfect and never give up even when the days are darkest, YOU WILL, without a shadow of a doubt, make positive changes in your lives and the lives of those around you.
Thursday, 9 January 2014
Friday, 3 January 2014
Positivity Is The Key
Happy New Year everyone, I hope that 2014 brings you everything you dream of and desire...I also hope you continue to read and enjoy my blog...It brings me joy knowing that you accompany me on my journey of continuous improvement and growth, and as long as I see the views continue to rise (up over 1000 now) I will keep writing.
One of the resolutions I made a few years ago, which I am proud to say I continue to follow to this day, is to be aware of the company I keep. If you've read my blog in the past, you will recognize the term Debbie Downer, and you know that I believe that surrounding yourself with positive people in your life will bring positive results...this is why for the most part, I now limit the exposure I have to people in my life that drag me down...the result has been wonderful, not only due to the absence of drama in my life, but it also created a void, which seemingly filled automatically with the type of people that I want to attract...so in essence, as cut throat as it sounds, I traded up...and it happened without a whole lot of effort. The law of attraction states that like attracts like...therefore negative energy attracts negative energy and positive energy attracts positive energy. Simply by limiting my exposure to negative energy, I have seen first hand, the influx of more positivity in my life.
This brings me to a story...During the holidays, I was sitting in the car with my daughter Jordan, when I asked her what her plans were for New Years Eve...the past few years there has been a circle of friends that would gather during special occasions, and I wondered if maybe she would be joining them...she explained to me that she really didn't like hanging out with them anymore. I asked her why, and her response was that a couple of them were starting to be mean to people, and she didn't like it. I asked if they were mean to her, and she said no, just that they were being mean to others and she didn't like hanging out with them anymore. Now I knew this wasn't easy for her, as it kinda meant walking away from the popular crowd, so I asked if she was ok..."Yeah Dad," she replied, "Their loss."
I sat back later that night, thinking about what had happened...For those with daughters reading this blog, I am sure you know just how tough it can be socially as they approach their pre-teen and teenage years. Clicks are formed, friendships are strained and the pressure of growing up is so severe that many of her friends, at the tender age of 12 have turned to self destructive behavior such as cutting themselves and in one case, attempted suicide. So to hear that my little girl is eliminating the negative people in her life, at the age of 12, makes me prouder than I can put into words.
The next day, I wanted to tell her this...it isn't always easy getting the attention of a 12 year old girl...so I try and pick my spots...I figured I needed about 10 minutes...
"Jo...do you have a minute?"
"Yea Dad, just let me update my Instagram account." she replied.
"What Instagram account?", I asked.
"Oh you should follow me Dad...My profile name is INSPIRING_QUOTES54321...I try to inspire others."
Yea, I thought as I smiled...she's gonna be just fine!!
One of the resolutions I made a few years ago, which I am proud to say I continue to follow to this day, is to be aware of the company I keep. If you've read my blog in the past, you will recognize the term Debbie Downer, and you know that I believe that surrounding yourself with positive people in your life will bring positive results...this is why for the most part, I now limit the exposure I have to people in my life that drag me down...the result has been wonderful, not only due to the absence of drama in my life, but it also created a void, which seemingly filled automatically with the type of people that I want to attract...so in essence, as cut throat as it sounds, I traded up...and it happened without a whole lot of effort. The law of attraction states that like attracts like...therefore negative energy attracts negative energy and positive energy attracts positive energy. Simply by limiting my exposure to negative energy, I have seen first hand, the influx of more positivity in my life.
This brings me to a story...During the holidays, I was sitting in the car with my daughter Jordan, when I asked her what her plans were for New Years Eve...the past few years there has been a circle of friends that would gather during special occasions, and I wondered if maybe she would be joining them...she explained to me that she really didn't like hanging out with them anymore. I asked her why, and her response was that a couple of them were starting to be mean to people, and she didn't like it. I asked if they were mean to her, and she said no, just that they were being mean to others and she didn't like hanging out with them anymore. Now I knew this wasn't easy for her, as it kinda meant walking away from the popular crowd, so I asked if she was ok..."Yeah Dad," she replied, "Their loss."
I sat back later that night, thinking about what had happened...For those with daughters reading this blog, I am sure you know just how tough it can be socially as they approach their pre-teen and teenage years. Clicks are formed, friendships are strained and the pressure of growing up is so severe that many of her friends, at the tender age of 12 have turned to self destructive behavior such as cutting themselves and in one case, attempted suicide. So to hear that my little girl is eliminating the negative people in her life, at the age of 12, makes me prouder than I can put into words.
The next day, I wanted to tell her this...it isn't always easy getting the attention of a 12 year old girl...so I try and pick my spots...I figured I needed about 10 minutes...
"Jo...do you have a minute?"
"Yea Dad, just let me update my Instagram account." she replied.
"What Instagram account?", I asked.
"Oh you should follow me Dad...My profile name is INSPIRING_QUOTES54321...I try to inspire others."
Yea, I thought as I smiled...she's gonna be just fine!!
Friday, 27 December 2013
New Years Resolutions
Sitting in the car Christmas Day with my 12 year old daughter Jordan, having one of our regular hilarious conversations, I swear she is destined for stand up comedy, when she proclaims to me the following...
"Daddy," she says. "You will be so proud of me. I have started using the treadmill, and I plan to use to it for an hour every day from now on."
"Sweetheart, that is great news." I replied, as I went into a not so lengthy diatribe (lengthy ones are typically met with disapproval) about the benefits of physical fitness to the heart, body and mind.
Sure enough early the next day, I watched as she set her timer, put on the Family Channel, jumped on the treadmill and ran her little heart out to a Good Luck Charlie Christmas Special. The next day I watched as she again, although with slightly less exuberance, did her hour on the treadmill. Day three, well that was a little different.
"Did you get your treadmill time in today honey?" I asked around dinner time.
"No not today Daddy, I was feeling a little sick."
Sensing an opening, I asked a simple question..."An hour every day is a lot isn't it?"
"Yeah."
Now truth me told, it pained me to great lengths that first day to not counsel her at least a little bit about goal setting and biting off more than one can chew etc etc, but I decided that day not to rain on her parade even a little bit. But now was the right time to help clarify to her what she had learned all on own...a little debrief with my daughter if you will. She has now decided that her life is far to busy with friends, school, IPhones and IPads, sleeping and eating to find an hour every day to use the treadmill. 30 minutes, 3 times a week however, well she figures she can squeeze that in.
My point is two fold. First and foremost, as the New Year passes and we all decide on our resolutions, don't go overboard on it. Start small. Something you can keep, and grow if you find that its working for you. If you go big, you might find yourself stopping before you even get it off the ground. Second and perhaps most importantly, it's ok to NOT push our kids in what we feel is the right direction EVERY TIME we have a chance to do so. Inherent wisdom comes from failing and trying again. Encourage them, and then take the opportunities to help them learn from their own failures. Simply asking them the right questions can help them find their own way.
Thanks for reading my blog in 2013...Have a safe and happy New Years and I look forward to seeing you all again in 2014!!
"Daddy," she says. "You will be so proud of me. I have started using the treadmill, and I plan to use to it for an hour every day from now on."
"Sweetheart, that is great news." I replied, as I went into a not so lengthy diatribe (lengthy ones are typically met with disapproval) about the benefits of physical fitness to the heart, body and mind.
Sure enough early the next day, I watched as she set her timer, put on the Family Channel, jumped on the treadmill and ran her little heart out to a Good Luck Charlie Christmas Special. The next day I watched as she again, although with slightly less exuberance, did her hour on the treadmill. Day three, well that was a little different.
"Did you get your treadmill time in today honey?" I asked around dinner time.
"No not today Daddy, I was feeling a little sick."
Sensing an opening, I asked a simple question..."An hour every day is a lot isn't it?"
"Yeah."
Now truth me told, it pained me to great lengths that first day to not counsel her at least a little bit about goal setting and biting off more than one can chew etc etc, but I decided that day not to rain on her parade even a little bit. But now was the right time to help clarify to her what she had learned all on own...a little debrief with my daughter if you will. She has now decided that her life is far to busy with friends, school, IPhones and IPads, sleeping and eating to find an hour every day to use the treadmill. 30 minutes, 3 times a week however, well she figures she can squeeze that in.
My point is two fold. First and foremost, as the New Year passes and we all decide on our resolutions, don't go overboard on it. Start small. Something you can keep, and grow if you find that its working for you. If you go big, you might find yourself stopping before you even get it off the ground. Second and perhaps most importantly, it's ok to NOT push our kids in what we feel is the right direction EVERY TIME we have a chance to do so. Inherent wisdom comes from failing and trying again. Encourage them, and then take the opportunities to help them learn from their own failures. Simply asking them the right questions can help them find their own way.
Thanks for reading my blog in 2013...Have a safe and happy New Years and I look forward to seeing you all again in 2014!!
Thursday, 12 December 2013
Sometimes I get so angry that I want to ...
Have you ever wondered why you do the things that you do? Have you wondered why certain things that happen in your life, cause certain emotional outbursts? Have you ever wondered why these outbursts can seem extreme and impossible to control? If you do, I have good news and bad news...The good news, is that you are normal...yup, perfectly normal, just like the rest of us who all experience emotional triggers, don't understand why and have difficulty controlling them. The bad news is that until you understand why this is happening to you, you will never be able to control them, and the dynamics of the relationships that they are affecting will never change.
Before I get to the four stages of personal growth that come into play in identifying, understanding and overcoming our emotional issues, lets start by setting a couple ground rules. Rule number one is that we are all a little messed up...Even The Beaver, with what seemed like perfect parents, has his issues...So to understand the process, its important to know that everyone can use a little personal growth. For those of you who are perfect, had perfect childhoods and don't need any guidance, please feel free to close your browser, turn on the Brady Bunch and watch what must have been a complete replica of your early lives. For the rest of us messed up, perfectly normal individuals who would like to understand why we sometimes have trouble controlling our emotions, please feel free to read on.
Rule number two is admitting that we all have triggers. Triggers, just like on a gun, are things that happen to us in our lives that send us immediately into an emotional state that exists outside of the normal day to day range. I am not talking about ups and downs, I am talking about sudden spikes where anger turns to rage, where we say or do things that we later regret. This is the spot we cannot control and this is the spot that affects are lives in negative ways.
With all of that being said, there are four stages of personal growth that once we decide to embark upon the journey we will all go through...here they are...
Stage 1 Unconscious Incompetence - This is the beginning of the journey...this is where we have no control over our emotional outburst (Incompetence) and we have no idea they even exist (Unconscious)...In this stage, we blame others for the conflicts we are in. We take no responsibility for them at all. We are completely unaware that they even exist and we live our lives playing the victim role, generally going from one relationship to the next, having difficulty making friends and keeping friends because after all, they are all crazy.
Stage 2 Conscious Incompetence - If you have made it to stage 2, congratulations. Give yourself a pat on the back and be proud of yourself, for you have decided to fix what is broken and get on the path of continuous improvement. But don't break your arm in doing so because you have a long ways to go. In this stage, you are still messed up (Incompetence) but at least you know it (Conscious)...In this stage, you have stopped blaming the world for your problems. You have started to become accountable for your actions...You now get it...You now understand what your triggers are and how they are affecting your life. Unfortunately you still aren't able to do anything about it. The reason is that the triggers are still controlling your emotions, and because of this, at the time of the trigger, you forget everything you learned. You still act out in rage, throw stuff, yell at people or if you are the passive aggressive type, you withdraw and give people the silent treatment...you don't yet know how to clean up your messes, but at least, once the smoke clears, you can reflect back and see the part you played.
Stage 3 Conscious Competence - In this stage, you are now totally accountable for your actions. You understand why you react (Conscious) and you have started to catch yourself and correct the behaviour (Competent). The time between trigger and accountability / correction isn't necessarily instantaneous, but the initial reactions are milder than they used to be, and you clean up your messes. You apologize for your part, communicate with those involved and often its "water under the bridge" in no time. Relationships are healthier, arguments are over quicker and everyone involved is happier for it. Once you reach this stage, you are in much better control of your emotions, and angry outbursts, although still possible, are few and far between and over quickly.
Stage 4 Unconscious Competence - This is the end of your journey. You now find yourself not even reacting to things that used to send you off the charts. You are no longer a slave to your triggers and it is no longer necessary for you put any effort into correcting the behavior. You are as cool as a cucumber. Congratulations, you are now the Dalai Lama.
Now ask yourself, are you in stage 1? If so, what are you waiting for? There are tools out there for you to begin the personal improvement process and start understanding what it is that makes you tick and what is stopping you from finding happiness in your life. These tools will help you to start loving yourself and making room for others to love you back. Its the 21st century and personal growth is for everyone. Good luck!!
Before I get to the four stages of personal growth that come into play in identifying, understanding and overcoming our emotional issues, lets start by setting a couple ground rules. Rule number one is that we are all a little messed up...Even The Beaver, with what seemed like perfect parents, has his issues...So to understand the process, its important to know that everyone can use a little personal growth. For those of you who are perfect, had perfect childhoods and don't need any guidance, please feel free to close your browser, turn on the Brady Bunch and watch what must have been a complete replica of your early lives. For the rest of us messed up, perfectly normal individuals who would like to understand why we sometimes have trouble controlling our emotions, please feel free to read on.
Rule number two is admitting that we all have triggers. Triggers, just like on a gun, are things that happen to us in our lives that send us immediately into an emotional state that exists outside of the normal day to day range. I am not talking about ups and downs, I am talking about sudden spikes where anger turns to rage, where we say or do things that we later regret. This is the spot we cannot control and this is the spot that affects are lives in negative ways.
With all of that being said, there are four stages of personal growth that once we decide to embark upon the journey we will all go through...here they are...
Stage 1 Unconscious Incompetence - This is the beginning of the journey...this is where we have no control over our emotional outburst (Incompetence) and we have no idea they even exist (Unconscious)...In this stage, we blame others for the conflicts we are in. We take no responsibility for them at all. We are completely unaware that they even exist and we live our lives playing the victim role, generally going from one relationship to the next, having difficulty making friends and keeping friends because after all, they are all crazy.
Stage 2 Conscious Incompetence - If you have made it to stage 2, congratulations. Give yourself a pat on the back and be proud of yourself, for you have decided to fix what is broken and get on the path of continuous improvement. But don't break your arm in doing so because you have a long ways to go. In this stage, you are still messed up (Incompetence) but at least you know it (Conscious)...In this stage, you have stopped blaming the world for your problems. You have started to become accountable for your actions...You now get it...You now understand what your triggers are and how they are affecting your life. Unfortunately you still aren't able to do anything about it. The reason is that the triggers are still controlling your emotions, and because of this, at the time of the trigger, you forget everything you learned. You still act out in rage, throw stuff, yell at people or if you are the passive aggressive type, you withdraw and give people the silent treatment...you don't yet know how to clean up your messes, but at least, once the smoke clears, you can reflect back and see the part you played.
Stage 3 Conscious Competence - In this stage, you are now totally accountable for your actions. You understand why you react (Conscious) and you have started to catch yourself and correct the behaviour (Competent). The time between trigger and accountability / correction isn't necessarily instantaneous, but the initial reactions are milder than they used to be, and you clean up your messes. You apologize for your part, communicate with those involved and often its "water under the bridge" in no time. Relationships are healthier, arguments are over quicker and everyone involved is happier for it. Once you reach this stage, you are in much better control of your emotions, and angry outbursts, although still possible, are few and far between and over quickly.
Stage 4 Unconscious Competence - This is the end of your journey. You now find yourself not even reacting to things that used to send you off the charts. You are no longer a slave to your triggers and it is no longer necessary for you put any effort into correcting the behavior. You are as cool as a cucumber. Congratulations, you are now the Dalai Lama.
Now ask yourself, are you in stage 1? If so, what are you waiting for? There are tools out there for you to begin the personal improvement process and start understanding what it is that makes you tick and what is stopping you from finding happiness in your life. These tools will help you to start loving yourself and making room for others to love you back. Its the 21st century and personal growth is for everyone. Good luck!!
Saturday, 23 November 2013
Donated to Goodfellows again today...
First of all, this isn't a pat myself on the back posting to tell all my readers what a great guy I am, and get a bunch of replies telling me so...well not entirely anyways, and remember, flattery will get you everywhere...But I did want to take a few minutes to tell you about something that happened to me this morning...Like many people I know, I always make sure I give to Goodfellows as soon as I see one of their representatives, usually wearing nice warm "I'm ready to go fight a fire" apparel...I hand them whatever loose change I have, loonies, twoonies...hopefully totalling around $5 so I can feel like I really gave this year. Then I put the Goodfellows newspaper on the dash to proudly display that Yes, I, Jeff Wilder, did my part this year to help those less fortunate than myself. Or this is what I tell myself. Truth be told, I display the newspaper for the same reason most people do. To avoid having to give again. Now don't feel bad if you do that too...I mean at least you gave once right? Some people don't give at all...and we know who you are by the glaring absence of the newspaper on your dash. Yes the newspaper...oh how proud I am to display it...just to show others how decent a human being I am...so here I am, this morning sitting at Tim Hortons, in the drive through, my paper visible upside down in the reflection of the wind shield, when I spotted the following headline...
"Without Local Charity, There Could Be No Christmas"
How sad I thought to myself. No Christmas? Are people in that dire straits that Christmas might be canceled? That is when it hit me, and I am a little ashamed to admit it. I have been so caught up lately in my own trials and tribulations that I forgot just how bad of shape the city of Windsor is in. Numbers for October came in at 9%, the 2nd highest unemployment rate in the country. And with the recent announcement of Heinz closing next year, the jobless rate in Essex County and Windsor will go even higher...No Christmas? Well its great to see an organization such as Goodfellows, and all of these amazing volunteers, doing what they do for the city of Windsor and Essex County.
They say charity begins at home, and even though there are a great many less fortunate that need our help overseas, the Philippines for example, we should not forget our neighbors, friends and other members of our very own community. So what do you ask did I do about it? Well I did two things. First I removed the newspaper from my smug dashboard, so that I may be greeted by more Goodfellows Volunteers...then a few minutes later, I found one..."pssst...they're everywhere!"...and gave him some actual paper money...and then when he offered me a paper in return, I declined, saying I already have one...His reply "Well you should put it in on your dash so we stop bothering you!" You aren't bothering me my friend...and thank you for what you are doing for the city!!
"Without Local Charity, There Could Be No Christmas"
How sad I thought to myself. No Christmas? Are people in that dire straits that Christmas might be canceled? That is when it hit me, and I am a little ashamed to admit it. I have been so caught up lately in my own trials and tribulations that I forgot just how bad of shape the city of Windsor is in. Numbers for October came in at 9%, the 2nd highest unemployment rate in the country. And with the recent announcement of Heinz closing next year, the jobless rate in Essex County and Windsor will go even higher...No Christmas? Well its great to see an organization such as Goodfellows, and all of these amazing volunteers, doing what they do for the city of Windsor and Essex County.
They say charity begins at home, and even though there are a great many less fortunate that need our help overseas, the Philippines for example, we should not forget our neighbors, friends and other members of our very own community. So what do you ask did I do about it? Well I did two things. First I removed the newspaper from my smug dashboard, so that I may be greeted by more Goodfellows Volunteers...then a few minutes later, I found one..."pssst...they're everywhere!"...and gave him some actual paper money...and then when he offered me a paper in return, I declined, saying I already have one...His reply "Well you should put it in on your dash so we stop bothering you!" You aren't bothering me my friend...and thank you for what you are doing for the city!!
Friday, 22 November 2013
Running THROUGH The Finish Line
Recently I was in British Columbia, hiking up a mountain, carrying a huge jug of water and backpack full of bricks, with a partner who was doing the same. It was a test of strength and will, one in which I am proud to say I dug deep and surpassed my own expectations. It wasn't easy, but I wouldn't accept failure as an option. As I saw the finish line about 200 meters ahead, it would have been easy for me to put it on coast and cruise through, people cheering me on for having accomplished my goal. My partner was sure to be happy with that plan. What I did instead, with my legs burning, my back killing me and my feet full of blisters, was begin to run. "What the heck are you doing?" asked my partner. "Lets go man, we only have a little way left, lets sprint through the finish" I looked as my partner started to pick up the pace...the pain was excruciating, but suddenly it didn't matter, as the only thing I cared about was getting to the finish line as quickly as possible. Surprisingly I started to pick up speed, and it seemed the closer I got to the finish line the faster I ran, with my partner right by my side (OK maybe I was a little ahead of him)...The last 10 steps are etched into my memory. The faster I ran, the louder the cheers got...our efforts had worked the crowd into a frenzy. They were screaming "Go...Go...Go...Go..." and as we lunged through the finish line with every ounce of energy remaining in our bodies, the crowd went ballistic. It was one of the proudest moments in my life, and one that I was only able to experience because I chose to, instead of jogging the last 200 meters and coasting to the finish line, to sprint and run through it as fast as I could. And as I crossed, with absolutely nothing left in the tank, my legs feeling like rubber, the backpack feeling like it weighed 500 lbs, a wonderful thing happened. My fellow competitors ran over to me and helped me to stand. They removed the backpack. They didn't allow me sit down, instead encouraging me to stand tall and put my hands up above my head to help the oxygen into my lungs. They essentially caught me as I fell.
I have since thought back to that moment many times, and asked myself just how many times in my life had I slowed down when I saw the finish line. How many times had I coasted through, admiring my accomplishments, chit chatting with coworkers as deadlines passed. Truth is the answer is too many. Too often had I in life accomplished something great, only to then coast for a bit admiring myself and what I had done. Too often had I closed a big account, only to high five my coworkers and head home early for the day or to the bar to have a drink for a job well done, instead of picking up the phone and closing another big account, or planting more seeds to be harvested the next day.
Maybe its human nature to sit back on our laurels and pat ourselves on the back, but since that day, I have instead chosen to run THROUGH the finish line instead of TO it, and this has made huge differences in my life. Friday afternoons are no longer my day to kick back and relax after a hard days work, they are used as an opportunity to further my business by getting a jump start on Monday.
The Olympics are fast approaching, and I am looking forward to watching athletes who have trained for years compete in their respective arenas where 1/100 of a second is the difference between being a champion or a runner up. The difference between the cover of Sports Illustrated or a small picture on page 26. You can bet at this level, none of these elite athletes will see the finish line and shift down and coast...instead, they will kick it into the highest gear they have, dig deep for that last amount of fuel in the tank, lean forward and use every last bit of willpower to burst THROUGH the finish line. Isn't this the level you want to play at in your life?
I have since thought back to that moment many times, and asked myself just how many times in my life had I slowed down when I saw the finish line. How many times had I coasted through, admiring my accomplishments, chit chatting with coworkers as deadlines passed. Truth is the answer is too many. Too often had I in life accomplished something great, only to then coast for a bit admiring myself and what I had done. Too often had I closed a big account, only to high five my coworkers and head home early for the day or to the bar to have a drink for a job well done, instead of picking up the phone and closing another big account, or planting more seeds to be harvested the next day.
Maybe its human nature to sit back on our laurels and pat ourselves on the back, but since that day, I have instead chosen to run THROUGH the finish line instead of TO it, and this has made huge differences in my life. Friday afternoons are no longer my day to kick back and relax after a hard days work, they are used as an opportunity to further my business by getting a jump start on Monday.
The Olympics are fast approaching, and I am looking forward to watching athletes who have trained for years compete in their respective arenas where 1/100 of a second is the difference between being a champion or a runner up. The difference between the cover of Sports Illustrated or a small picture on page 26. You can bet at this level, none of these elite athletes will see the finish line and shift down and coast...instead, they will kick it into the highest gear they have, dig deep for that last amount of fuel in the tank, lean forward and use every last bit of willpower to burst THROUGH the finish line. Isn't this the level you want to play at in your life?
Thursday, 14 November 2013
New job? Follow these tips
In these ever changing markets, it seems the days of getting a job, working for the same employer for 25 or 30 years, retiring with a cushy pension and riding into the sunset happily ever after, are over, at least for most of us. Therefor, many people in the workforce, will be faced, either today or soon, with starting a new job. Whether the time is now, or if you are considering a change in career paths in the near future, there are a few things you need to know, or should know, to make the transition as smooth and fruitful as possible.
1/ Shhhhhhhhhhh...
There is a saying that goes something like this - "They thought I was a (insert colorful pronoun here) until I opened my mouth and proved it to be true." Look, as charming, funny and entertaining as you might be or believe yourself to be, coming on too strong your first few days/weeks/months in a new job is a sure fire way to alienate yourself amongst your new peers. Odds are that you will soon find yourself the fodder of many of the conversations around the water cooler, and they won't be about how charming and funny you are. Truth is that this backfires in many ways, and many people try too hard to make impressions too quickly. Allow your actions to speak for you, as you show that you are a valuable member of this new team. Don't risk offending people you barely know with a sense of humor that may not go over so well. Instead, use the time in a new job, to quietly observe others. Learn the landscape. Don't steal the spotlights from others. Don't "one up" others stories. Show genuine interest in what your new co-workers have to say. Ask questions and learn from the answers. All of that being said, don't be afraid to contribute to the work talk with your innovative ideas and suggestions.
2/ Serve First
I recently started a new position, a part time job, that to be honest, wasn't really something that excited me, but it fit my needs in terms of time frames between contracts, and it beat laying around the house collecting unemployment. My first day on the job, I started walking up to people asking if there was anything I could do to help them. It was amazing the response that I got. First I was greeted with a smile, and either a polite "No I'm good, but thank you." or "Sure I could use a hand with this or that". Either way, word got out quickly how nice a guy I was, and it spread all over the company, including up into management. Soon everybody was noticing that I was helping others in the company whenever I had a free minute from my own duties. You see, I served first. I put the needs of others in front of my own, and it paid off. Serve first, and you will see it pay off in spades.
3/ Avoid the Gossip
It is inevitable, in any job, that you will be approached usually sooner than later, by one or more of the resident gossipers. They are everywhere. And all they want to do is engage you in the story of the day about so and so and what they are up to. Here is where you have options. Option #1 would be to engage with that person, thinking that they want to be your new friend. After all, who doesn't want a new friend at a new job. But beware the wolf in sheep's clothing because the one who gossips to you will inevitably gossip about you. Option #2 would be to just ignore it, smile, nod your head and keep your mouth shut. This way you don't get dragged in, but you also won't make an enemy. #3 would be to let the person know you are not one to gossip and have them move along, which will likely put you his or her crosshairs and make you the target of further gossiping. If that happens, shrug it off and ignore it. Really, who cares what the gossipers say about you. This crowd isn't happy unless they are talking about someone, so don't let it get to you.
So here it is, a few tips that will help you settling into your new work place. Basically, avoid the negative energy. It's a virus, and if you catch it, you will spread it. Stay positive, smile, do your job, and over time, your will find a social circle of like minded coworkers, who will trust you and like you for who you are.
1/ Shhhhhhhhhhh...
There is a saying that goes something like this - "They thought I was a (insert colorful pronoun here) until I opened my mouth and proved it to be true." Look, as charming, funny and entertaining as you might be or believe yourself to be, coming on too strong your first few days/weeks/months in a new job is a sure fire way to alienate yourself amongst your new peers. Odds are that you will soon find yourself the fodder of many of the conversations around the water cooler, and they won't be about how charming and funny you are. Truth is that this backfires in many ways, and many people try too hard to make impressions too quickly. Allow your actions to speak for you, as you show that you are a valuable member of this new team. Don't risk offending people you barely know with a sense of humor that may not go over so well. Instead, use the time in a new job, to quietly observe others. Learn the landscape. Don't steal the spotlights from others. Don't "one up" others stories. Show genuine interest in what your new co-workers have to say. Ask questions and learn from the answers. All of that being said, don't be afraid to contribute to the work talk with your innovative ideas and suggestions.
2/ Serve First
I recently started a new position, a part time job, that to be honest, wasn't really something that excited me, but it fit my needs in terms of time frames between contracts, and it beat laying around the house collecting unemployment. My first day on the job, I started walking up to people asking if there was anything I could do to help them. It was amazing the response that I got. First I was greeted with a smile, and either a polite "No I'm good, but thank you." or "Sure I could use a hand with this or that". Either way, word got out quickly how nice a guy I was, and it spread all over the company, including up into management. Soon everybody was noticing that I was helping others in the company whenever I had a free minute from my own duties. You see, I served first. I put the needs of others in front of my own, and it paid off. Serve first, and you will see it pay off in spades.
3/ Avoid the Gossip
It is inevitable, in any job, that you will be approached usually sooner than later, by one or more of the resident gossipers. They are everywhere. And all they want to do is engage you in the story of the day about so and so and what they are up to. Here is where you have options. Option #1 would be to engage with that person, thinking that they want to be your new friend. After all, who doesn't want a new friend at a new job. But beware the wolf in sheep's clothing because the one who gossips to you will inevitably gossip about you. Option #2 would be to just ignore it, smile, nod your head and keep your mouth shut. This way you don't get dragged in, but you also won't make an enemy. #3 would be to let the person know you are not one to gossip and have them move along, which will likely put you his or her crosshairs and make you the target of further gossiping. If that happens, shrug it off and ignore it. Really, who cares what the gossipers say about you. This crowd isn't happy unless they are talking about someone, so don't let it get to you.
So here it is, a few tips that will help you settling into your new work place. Basically, avoid the negative energy. It's a virus, and if you catch it, you will spread it. Stay positive, smile, do your job, and over time, your will find a social circle of like minded coworkers, who will trust you and like you for who you are.
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